Third Diary

"The Spirit of a warrior is not geared to indulging and complaining, nor is it geared to winning or losing. The spirit of a warrior is geared only to struggle, and every struggle is a warrior's last battle on earth. Thus the outcome matters very little to him. In his last battle on earth a warrior lets his spirit flow free and clear. And as he wages his battle, knowing that his intent is impeccable, a warrior laughs and laughs."

 --Carlos Castaneda

My dad decided to move to Canada in 1997 when I was in Grade 5. Quickly after, he (without knowing any English at all) courageously brought my mom, me and my brother here, to Toronto, and just like that our family began living in a different world, a different life. During the first few years my parents struggled a lot-- as immigrants, as parents and as human beings they tried to survive in a world which they knew nothing about. Just like all immigrants they needed to find work, or business which didn't come so easily in order to obtain a permanent residence status.

To put long story short, during the first 5-7 years of their immigrant life, they had to close down one convenience store, sell another with barely no revenue, and learn how to run a restaurant without any experience. During those years which I still clearly remember, while I was still in middle school, I was tagged along to every meeting with lawyers, dealers, bankers, and doctors as a translator and interpretor. (I remember liking it as an immature child growing up because it meant no school, having to skip classes to "help my parents" as I would say proudly to my teachers. It was a perfect excuse.) I studied words to attend these appointments with professionals, and to help my parents understand the situation they were in. 

My English was definitely not perfect, in fact, I was an ESL student until Grade 11, but somehow my help worked every single time and I remember feeling proud yet eager to be better at it. Just like that my parents became my biggest motivation to learn English and eventually study literature in university. (And to remain as an English student throughout the first two years that were not so hopeful) It was a very tough time for my parents, especially for my dad but I would always go with him, wherever he goes, and volunteer to take care of those business appointments purely because I just wanted to be close with my parents all the time.

I remember my dad telling me that he is sorry I have to see them go through such hassles and problems. I remember him teary when he had to close down his own business, telling me that he is sorry that I had to help him break down the shelves of his first convenience store. I also remember his despairing voice over the phone in 2004 when he couldn't come to see mom after her surgery in Toronto because he had to work and couldn't afford to close the store. During those years, I think my mom and my dad relied on me more than I relied on them, which is probably the same for all immigrant families anywhere in the world.

I look back now and think to myself I could never leave my parents and give up my life here and move to a foreign country like they did, all because I want to give better education to my children and I wish to give them a better life than what I have here. But my parents did and so did all those other immigrant parents. All good things come with cost, and I experienced it with my parents for 8 years of their life as immigrants. This is the reason why I call them the two bravest people I know.

When bad things happen, they seem to happen all at the same time, constantly putting you on a test after another. When good things happen, it's exactly the same. And I think that's where you have to be careful, because those good things can pass you by like a snap, and if you take them for granted, you'll be more miserable than ever after when they're gone. 

It's my dad's birthday today and I am not home to celebrate with my family. I wrote him an email telling him how I am thankful for his unconditional love and support, and everything that he's gone through to be where he is at right now. I tell him his happiness is my happiness, and his sadness is my sadness, just so he knows. He can rely on me any time, and I will be there for him one hundred percent, just like I know he is there for me the same. Not giving up was probably the hardest thing to do for both my dad and mom but they pulled through and made it. To me, that fact alone makes them the two most beautiful warriors in the world.